Update: I've donated a marketing pkg that includes a consultation plus a piece of swag (book marker, postcard etc). The proceeds go to the Do It Write For Nashville that benefits the Nashville flood victims.
If the bid gets to 300$, I'll add in custom twitter background. And if it gets to 500$, I'll add in a custom biz card design.
Also - check out my interview about how marketing helped me in the publishing business over at Writer Musing. Thanks Tabitha!
I have never been someone who thought I would be great at being a mom. And since I've had kids, I'm sure other would say my #mommyfails are off the charts.
1) Patience of a Saint? #mommyfail! I have no patience. I'm the person who pops the toast early.
2) Craft Mom? #mommyfail! I am soooooooo not crafty. To me, using a crayon is an art. This includes sewing buttons, hemming, making American Girl clothes. Nuttin honey!
3) Kids are the center of my world? #mommyfail! Yes, I can be a bit self-centered. It's just now, it's with a kid. I go to story time at B&N so I can look at books in the kid section while my kids listen to other people read. I'm still working on it.
4) Mommy Speak? #mommyfail! I don't enjoy talking about my kids all day, every day. Really I don't. And, when I go out with my friends, I don't want to hear about their friends kids even more. I dont' want to compare nap schedules, poop routines, and discipline techniques from Supernanny.
5) Mommy and Me? #mommyfail! I do not attend these classes. One because on a grammar level - its just plain wrong. Two - I do not like to sing in large groups. Three, they lie - it is not just Mommy and me - its 20 other mommies and their 20 kids. I prefer to conduct my own classes at home. Cheaper and quieter. I heard once that the class should be changed to: "Scared Sh*tless women who have kids and are going out of their freaking' minds so they need to get out of the house before they go certifiably nuts" class. Wait, maybe that's too long for a brochure.
7) Mommy clothes? #mommyfail! I've never bought into mommy jeans, mommy hair cuts, and mommy stores. Excuse me but I don't want to LOOK like I haven't had sex in a couple months. Whether I have or not.
8) Hot mamma? #mommyfail! I'd like to think I've "still got it" and maybe to my husband I still do. But at for drinks, going to concerts, I realize the phrases like MILF and "hot mama," do not apply to me. Being a mommy is only sexy to us and our husbands. And that might only be b/c we take care of their kids so they pretend we're as hot as we used to be.
Now don't go calling DFAX.
I feed my kids. Even if it is from a microwave.
I pack their lunch. Even if it is a lunchable.
I read them books. Even if it is the same one every night.
I bathe them. Even if it is every OTHER night.
I sacrifice writing, sleep, and exercise to make sure they are happy. Even though I may grumble about it sometimes.
But I love my kids more than my life. I mean, I've given it up, haven't I? ;)
Besides, if any of you tried to harm them, I would personally gouge your heart out with my son's Elmo knife and serve it on my daughter's Dora plate.
See? I'm a good mommy.
Who says these things are all #mommyfails??
So #mommyfail or not.
I have realized I cannot let others tells me what a #mommysuccess looks like.
Except my kids :)
What about you? Any #mommyfails you want to come clean on? Go ahead, set yourself free!