You roll up your sleeves and dive in.
Determined. Excited, Hopeful.
Then you get in the middle of it.
And you curse, sigh, cry, and force yourself to sit and fight through it. Doubt sets in.
No one talks about the ailments of writing under speedy deadlines. It is a problem swept under the rug of the writing community. The embarrassing things we hide and don't talk about it out of embarrassment or fear of quarantine.
I'm here to bust the door open on these ailments and create a support group - in sympathy of all the writers who have to turn around deadlines in record time.
Here is a List of Common Writer Ailments (resource: WriterMD). Read it! It could save your life!
PB-ASS (also know as Pancake Bottom) - This is a very common problem that no one talks about. It a very "tush"e subject
- Causes - sitting in the same chair for way too long, genetics, no support
- Symptoms - sore buttocks, butt falling asleep, cramps, widening measurements, and saggy pants.
- Cures - butt squeezes, squats, donut hole pillows, or butt implants
The Claw - This is a problem for many writers.
- Causes - lack of typewriter training
- Symptoms - your hands look like they could be doubles in the Thriller video, kids think you are trying to scare them when they come around the corner, carpel tunnel syndrome
- Cures - Typewriter lessons, prayer, stress ball exercises
MSd (Also know as Major Sleep deprivation) - This one is hard to notice if you have a problem with kids waking in middle of night, late night prank calls, friends on the west coast, and snoring husbands.
- Symptoms - grumpiness, burning eyes, deliriousness (is that a word)
- Causes - no showers (yes you heard me right) staying up late, writing for 18 hrs straight, overactive mind, too much work - not enough time
- Cure (rare) - hubbies who allow you to sleep in!
SACR (also know as Sugar & Caffeine Rush) - ok so we can get this a lot.
- Symptoms - the shakes (which makes it hard to write), stomach aches, vegetable deprivation, dehydration, quicker movements
- Causes - chocolate, candy corn, sweet tea, coffee with hazelnut cream (the non sugar free kind)
- Cures - detox, pace your office, pace outside
SFSs (SlipperFeet/Sweatpants Syndrome) - also known as MommyWear
- Symptoms - 3 new pairs of sweats, lazy feet
- Causes - shoes with soft fur inside
- Cures - not available at this time. Incurable.
The WHAAAAs (Uncontrollable bouts of tears)
- Symptoms - crying at commercials, crying at kids, crying b/c you forget to make lunch
- Causes - see all the ailments listed above
- Cures - hugs, encouragement, colored pictures slipped under the door, turning in your work on time
- Don't call your agent! (or editor)
- Do call your writer friends (Thanks Katie&Kimberly!)
- Don't yell at your family
- Do call your mom
- Don't give up
- Do step outside and breathe
- Do ask for help
- Do pat yourself on the back
Denial and avoidance can be fatal!
If you have come across any other ailments, please let us know in the comments.
You could save a life!