3 S.R. Johannes: Paper or Plastic??? A life-threatening Labor Day!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Paper or Plastic??? A life-threatening Labor Day!

What's in a cup??

This was the question of our Labor Day. Or should I say problem?

The Agonizing Labor of our Day.

No not pregnancy Labor.

Not hard labor.

Child Labor.

But not the kind you think.

No, I did NOT put any kids to work (though that's not a bad idea if you've seen my house lately!)

Our Labor Day started out quite normal and nice. Uneventful. Quiet.

The calm before the storm.

We decide to go to the zoo.

Great weather, animals, and family.

How could it get any better?

It can. Just throw in "Superhero weekend" at the zoo and you have it made.

A recipe for success?

You'd think so.

Problem #1: Instead of using our free membership, we spent an extra 40$ for Superhero tickets (money we did not budget this month).

Problem #2: Only to find out my son HATES superheros. Who knew? he loves wearing their costumes. But yes, he hates, loathes, despises men in tight uniforms. So 30 seconds in? Screams of terror.

Problem #3: Which separates the "family" for "family day" b/c hubby takes son out of show and waits outside while daughter cheers on Spiderman, Wolverine and Storm as they take out the evil Green Hornet. The show was about pollution and taking care of the environment. At the end, all kids are sworn in as "superheros of the earth." Cute right?

Problem #4: My daughter wants to wait and meet the "real" heros for a picture. In a Reaaaaaaaaaallllllly long line of screaming kids and bored parents in a hot tent. We wait in line for a long time.

Problem #5: Just before we finally reach the stage of superheros for the perfect photo op. Daughter decides she is scared and wants to leave. What a waste!

Not so bad you say. Just wait. I'm The leading up to it. Hang with me!

So family proceeds to walk around the zoo and check out more animals and get faces painted.

Problem #6: Hubby and I start to fight because I want to get food for kids b/c they are hungry but he wants to save money and rush home. Yet kids want to see more animals.

Problem # 7 - #12.5 : Meltdowns ensue. Lines to food are long. Temperatures are rising. The cute shirt I wore starts to feel like a straight jacket. I realize I forgot to use deodorant. I'm wearing my librarian glasses (BTW my contacts are on backorder - but I wont count that problem in this tally. No need to add more.) so sunglasses are not an option in the blazing sun.

Still with me? The doozey is coming. Trust me. I never disappoint my readers.

I decide (storm off) to go get food (anyway) while hubby takes kids to see Lions and Rhinos.

Problem #13: Of course, when I am not around, all hell breaks loose. (Side note: I think its b/c kids are hungry but what do I know? ah hem - maybe i was right. shhhhhhhh!)

Problem #14.333333: Son proceeds to throw a fit and throws big plastic water cup at my daughter's head, making a direct hit.

Problem #15: Evidently, the big sippy cup pummels her in the very spot you don't want it to. That's right, in the temple.

Crying begins.

can you see the escalation?? Don't worry I'm not done yet!!

Meanwhile I'm hot and mad and standing in a long line - behind someone who had 20 minutes to decide their order but now wants to change it when they get to the window - getting food and go to wait for family at designated meeting spot.

Problem #16 - #21: (b/c I am extra hot at this point, this deserves more than 1 problem) No one in my family unit shows up to meet me.

Then I get a call. On my cell. From my daughter (keep in mind she is 5!) telling me to come to the car?

Problem #22 - Hubby is in car in parking lot!??? Me? Still in hot zoo with bag of crappy expensive food after waiting for a long time!!! Now stuck alone in a huge crowd of stinky, hungry people.

I rush out of zoo to lot, even sweatier than before (did i mention food line was in the hot hot son by a hot hot grill.)

Problem #23 - argument ensues with hubby over failure to communicate over locale of meeting spot.

Problem #24 - Over my daughter's crying in the back seat, I'm filled in of my son's vicious cup attack (please keep in mind he's only 2 so during all of this drama - he's in the back seat happily singing "wheels on the bus". Totally oblivious to his offense.)

Problem #25 - Then I see my daughter's eye. A blood blister (about the size of a dime) is forming on her left temple. (Hm. That doesn't look good.)

Problem #26 - I try to lecture 2 year old about throwing cups as he is singing "no more monkeys jumping on the bed." He does not understand.

Problem #27 - ON way home, daughter says she feels tired and sick to her stomach. (wow this really doesn't sound good)

Problem #28- #30 - we get home and she won't eat. Anything. She just wants to sleep. She lays down and gets lethargic. I won't let her sleep. I think I saw that in a movie somewhere. She is not happy about that.

Problem #31 - I think she needs to go to emergency room. Hubby does not.

Problem #32 - a little later, when she perks up a bit, hubby says he is taking kids to park.(really?)

Problem #33 - #35: she throws up in car and then all over the bathroom. (I see lots of red stuff and start to freak out but hubby says it is jello?? But she only had 2 bites??)

We call the medical help line. They say, "OMG Bring her in!"

Yes I am serious? We are now scrambling wondering if she has a head injury from a random flying cup?

Problem #36. Hubby rushes daughter into car and to emergency room - which is only minutes from our house.

Problem #37-50 - I stay at home with son!!! Pacing! Freaking out. Now I am crying. What if she is really hurt? At the hand of my singing son?

Problem #51 - Just as they get in the door, daughter throws up in emergency room.

Problem #52. They are whisked away into another room and all the ER is forced to wear masks? (why? you guessed it - swine flu precaution??)

Problem #53: In the meantime, a trauma unit comes in with a kid in really bad shape from a car accident. So my daughter - who either has swine flu or massive brain hemorrhaging - waits and waits and waits. (And rightly so, b/c the trauma kid almost died but they saved him. That was definitely worth the wait. But the wait was agonizing.)

Problem 53.4 - Problem 61.3333 - Meanwhile - neurotic, worse-case scenario mom (AKA Me!) is freaking out at home. Calling family and best friend hoping to be talked out of visiting Panic-ville. (PS my family thinks I overreact so this calling drudges up family issues as well.)

Problem 61.4 - Problem 65 - Doctor does not come in to examine daughter for 2 hrs!!! Meanwhile, her brain is falling out of her head (at least to me)

Problem 65 - I am at home researching head trauma, CT scans, Natasha Richardson, and US statistics on "death by flying cups".

Problem 66 - Junior doctor checks out daughter and says she is fine. he wants to send her home.

Problem 67 - I tell (threaten) hubby. Don't leave until they scan her or I will come down there! (Do you blame me? The symptoms showed up with in 10 minutes of head impact.)

Problem 68 - Daughter has to go through scary CT scan.....without me! :(

Problem 69 - 99 - CT scan is 100% normal???? Daughter diagnosed with tummy bug!

Problem #100- My neurotic self once again looks like a hypochondriac, loony bird with entire family who I've been calling and putting on "emergency backup" notice for 2 hrs in case I have to go into hospital for brain surgery. (no not mine, hers!)


Blessing #1 - #100 - daughter is fine. family is fine.

Shout out #67 (don't ask about #1-#66) : to my daughter's guardian angel - you rock!!!!

Moral of the story?

We are switching to paper cups!!!!!!!!


Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Um, Shelli? Guess what? You're 100 percent Normal Mom. :)
Sorry, though, that it was such a crappy day. Sheesh.

Kim Kasch said...

OMG what a horrifying day - you're going to need another 3 day weekend to recover.

Alissa said...

Yikes! I am glad it all worked out in the end, but what a nightmare!

storyqueen said...

That, my dear, is the crappiest Labor Day EVER! If there was a contest, you would win!

I mean, it does make a good story, but I am sorry you had to live it!


Kelly said...

Oh, man! What should have been a family fun day turned out to be fright fest! I'm so glad your daughter is fine though. Nothing is scarier when your child goes through a trauma.

Karen said...

Okay, that is officially the worst zoo trip EVER!

(And I would have reacted the exact same way at the hospital.)

Corey Schwartz said...

OMG, I have been to ER with son for possible head injury (Had to give ME oxygen in the ambulance!) Two CT-scans... he was fine. I can TOTALLY relate!

Jessie Oliveros said...

That was unfortunately very fun to read but probably not so fun to experience. We went to the petting zoo yesterday with a few unhappy moments, but no brain hemorrhages. Someday, SOMEDAY, you and hubby and daughter and son will look back and laugh. It will be a favorite family story, and maybe then it will be worth it.

Shelli said...

Tricia and Karen - thanks my family thinks im nutzo.

Jessee - im sure you are right.

Corey - stinks huh?

Kim - seriously!

alissa - glad its over

kelly/shelley - bad day but writers can always find stories in it right?

Lazy Writer said...

Sorry you had such a bad day, but I am glad to hear that your daughter is okay. And, I don't think you overreacted at all. That's totally normal in my book.

Shelli Cornelison said...

Okay, I'm wiping tears out of my eyes. Sorry, but they're the result of my hysterical laughter, not the tears of sympathy you might expect from a blogging buddy. Of course, I'm not laughing AT you, Shelli, just with you. You may not be laughing about it yet but you will -- eventually. My tears may also be bred from just a hint of familiarity. I don't know why they call zoos and theme parks "family fun" places. And the term "amusement park?" Really? Who is amused by what goes on there? You should turn this blog post into an article for a parenting mag, Shelli This is good stuff, because it's universal stuff.
Hugs from one mom to another!

Tess said...

Holy Mother of Zorg! What a day! We went to the Aviary (the bird version of the zoo), but it was pretty mellow in comparison to your day out.

glad everyone is okay in the end.

~Aimee States said...

Oh my.

But I did have random flashbacks of my own perfectly normal, horrific, mommy days. So you're all good, and definitely not alone.

ali said...

Whew! What an ordeal!

SO glad to hear your daughter is well. I was totally thinking concussion when you were describing her behavior!


Casey McCormick said...

Yikes, Shelli! What a day. Your actions were perfectly mom-like. Don't feel like a loon!

We had a zoo ordeal this weekend as well, but it was NOTHING like yours. Not as bad!

My daughter lost her stuffed lemur that we got from the zoo (after we left and went to lunch to avoid paying the ridiculous food cost). She was really upset. I was really upset (probably more so). Everyone was irritable from heat and exhaustion and hunger. My fiance finally couldn't take our moaning and upset anymore and drove us back and convinced the zoo peeps to let him in without paying again to go buy a new stuffed lemur.

My worst/best labor day? I had my daughter ON labor day in 2006. So much for a day off!

Tabitha said...

Yeah, you're 100% normal. I'm no where near a panic-er, and I never rush to the doctor or hospital, but I'd have taken her to the ER, too.

So glad she's fine, but yowsers what a day! Hope your next holiday is nothing like this one (and swings on the happier side of things). :)

ElanaJ said...

Wow, I don't think I should have enjoyed this as much as I did. I'm glad your daughter is okay. :)

Katie said...

That is the worst most horrible day evah!!! Thank god she's okay. And u too!

Kelly H-Y said...

OH MY GOODNESS ... what a day ... what a sequence of events! You poor thing. You were right, by the way ... to get her checked out and insist on the scan ... better safe than regretting not doing it! I'm sorry for all you went through to be able to write this post, but - I have to say - it was fabulous ... I was laughing, almost crying, sympathizing ... glad it all turned out OK.

Shelli said...

shellie, kelly HY, and elana - you all are sick sick people to laugh :)

katie - we're good :)

tabitha and ali - thanks it was crazy!

lazy writer and Casey - thx for saing I am not the crazy mom.

tes, aimee, ali - all is ok thanks!

Kimberly Derting said...

Oh Em Gee! That is frickin' hilarious, and you are hysterical (and not in the funny ha-ha way)!!! I love your (questionable) numbering system and the fact that your son was singing in the backseat. I may have to bookmark this so that next time I'm Googling symptoms of...well, anything, I can pull this up and see that I am not the only crazy mother out there. And you are one crazy-mother!!! ;)

Oh, and really happy that your daughter is okay!

Jenn-ay said...

I don't have any kids, but I would have reacted the same way. I worked at an afterschool program and a kid came in one time all sleep with a little bump on his head. I was freaking out b/c I learned that he was hit in the head w/ something during the school day. I called his mom, got mad at the school nurse, and I thought he had a concussion (diagnosed him myself...b/c I got an A in health back in HS...lol). But I was right...sometimes you will know better than others. Better to take things seriously, than let them get out of control.

Reverie said...

I was laughing for a while.. and then I was like *gasp* Oh no hope daughter's OK!

Glad your daughter's ok!

Good moral... :D

jdcoughlin said...

Oh my GOD!!
You are such a great writer!
You are so crazy!
Men are so stupid!
KIds! Yeah, you have real ones, too!

So glad you are fine.
Love a happy ending.

Patti said...

I'm glad there was a happy ending to a horrible day.

Diana Paz said...

OMG I have 3 kids and have never had it that bad!! Shout out to my hypochondriatic-mom sister!

Christina Lee said...

shut UP!!!!!!! hahahahahaha- I am so sorry to laugh at your misery but it makes me feel better to hear I am not so nutso and that other families have days like this!!

Crystal said...

Late getting to this post but so sorry you had such an AWFUL Labor Day. I had to chuckle, though, at the thought of your son singing happy tunes while panic ensued all around! And no, you didn't overreact . . . you did what any caring mother would do by getting her checked out at the hospital. Glad she turned out fine! :)