What's in a cup??
This was the question of our Labor Day. Or should I say problem?
The Agonizing Labor of our Day.
No not pregnancy Labor.
Not hard labor.
But not the kind you think.
No, I did NOT put any kids to work (though that's not a bad idea if you've seen my house lately!)
Our Labor Day started out quite normal and nice. Uneventful. Quiet.
The calm before the storm.
We decide to go to the zoo.
Great weather, animals, and family.
How could it get any better?
It can. Just throw in "Superhero weekend" at the zoo and you have it made.
A recipe for success?
You'd think so.
Problem #1: Instead of using our free membership, we spent an extra 40$ for Superhero tickets (money we did not budget this month).
Problem #2: Only to find out my son HATES superheros. Who knew? he loves wearing their costumes. But yes, he hates, loathes, despises men in tight uniforms. So 30 seconds in? Screams of terror.
Problem #3: Which separates the "family" for "family day" b/c hubby takes son out of show and waits outside while daughter cheers on Spiderman, Wolverine and Storm as they take out the evil Green Hornet. The show was about pollution and taking care of the environment. At the end, all kids are sworn in as "superheros of the earth." Cute right?
Problem #4: My daughter wants to wait and meet the "real" heros for a picture. In a Reaaaaaaaaaallllllly long line of screaming kids and bored parents in a hot tent. We wait in line for a long time.
Problem #5: Just before we finally reach the stage of superheros for the perfect photo op. Daughter decides she is scared and wants to leave. What a waste!
Not so bad you say. Just wait. I'm The leading up to it. Hang with me!
So family proceeds to walk around the zoo and check out more animals and get faces painted.
Problem #6: Hubby and I start to fight because I want to get food for kids b/c they are hungry but he wants to save money and rush home. Yet kids want to see more animals.
Problem # 7 - #12.5 : Meltdowns ensue. Lines to food are long. Temperatures are rising. The cute shirt I wore starts to feel like a straight jacket. I realize I forgot to use deodorant. I'm wearing my librarian glasses (BTW my contacts are on backorder - but I wont count that problem in this tally. No need to add more.) so sunglasses are not an option in the blazing sun.
Still with me? The doozey is coming. Trust me. I never disappoint my readers.
I decide (storm off) to go get food (anyway) while hubby takes kids to see Lions and Rhinos.
Problem #13: Of course, when I am not around, all hell breaks loose. (Side note: I think its b/c kids are hungry but what do I know? ah hem - maybe i was right. shhhhhhhh!)
Problem #14.333333: Son proceeds to throw a fit and throws big plastic water cup at my daughter's head, making a direct hit.
Problem #15: Evidently, the big sippy cup pummels her in the very spot you don't want it to. That's right, in the temple.
can you see the escalation?? Don't worry I'm not done yet!!
Meanwhile I'm hot and mad and standing in a long line - behind someone who had 20 minutes to decide their order but now wants to change it when they get to the window - getting food and go to wait for family at designated meeting spot.
Problem #16 - #21: (b/c I am extra hot at this point, this deserves more than 1 problem) No one in my family unit shows up to meet me.
Then I get a call. On my cell. From my daughter (keep in mind she is 5!) telling me to come to the car?
Problem #22 - Hubby is in car in parking lot!??? Me? Still in hot zoo with bag of crappy expensive food after waiting for a long time!!! Now stuck alone in a huge crowd of stinky, hungry people.
I rush out of zoo to lot, even sweatier than before (did i mention food line was in the hot hot son by a hot hot grill.)
Problem #23 - argument ensues with hubby over failure to communicate over locale of meeting spot.
Problem #24 - Over my daughter's crying in the back seat, I'm filled in of my son's vicious cup attack (please keep in mind he's only 2 so during all of this drama - he's in the back seat happily singing "wheels on the bus". Totally oblivious to his offense.)
Problem #25 - Then I see my daughter's eye. A blood blister (about the size of a dime) is forming on her left temple. (Hm. That doesn't look good.)
Problem #26 - I try to lecture 2 year old about throwing cups as he is singing "no more monkeys jumping on the bed." He does not understand.
Problem #27 - ON way home, daughter says she feels tired and sick to her stomach. (wow this really doesn't sound good)
Problem #28- #30 - we get home and she won't eat. Anything. She just wants to sleep. She lays down and gets lethargic. I won't let her sleep. I think I saw that in a movie somewhere. She is not happy about that.
Problem #31 - I think she needs to go to emergency room. Hubby does not.
Problem #32 - a little later, when she perks up a bit, hubby says he is taking kids to park.(really?)
Problem #33 - #35: she throws up in car and then all over the bathroom. (I see lots of red stuff and start to freak out but hubby says it is jello?? But she only had 2 bites??)
We call the medical help line. They say, "OMG Bring her in!"
Yes I am serious? We are now scrambling wondering if she has a head injury from a random flying cup?
Problem #36. Hubby rushes daughter into car and to emergency room - which is only minutes from our house.
Problem #37-50 - I stay at home with son!!! Pacing! Freaking out. Now I am crying. What if she is really hurt? At the hand of my singing son?
Problem #51 - Just as they get in the door, daughter throws up in emergency room.
Problem #52. They are whisked away into another room and all the ER is forced to wear masks? (why? you guessed it - swine flu precaution??)
Problem #53: In the meantime, a trauma unit comes in with a kid in really bad shape from a car accident. So my daughter - who either has swine flu or massive brain hemorrhaging - waits and waits and waits. (And rightly so, b/c the trauma kid almost died but they saved him. That was definitely worth the wait. But the wait was agonizing.)
Problem 53.4 - Problem 61.3333 - Meanwhile - neurotic, worse-case scenario mom (AKA Me!) is freaking out at home. Calling family and best friend hoping to be talked out of visiting Panic-ville. (PS my family thinks I overreact so this calling drudges up family issues as well.)
Problem 61.4 - Problem 65 - Doctor does not come in to examine daughter for 2 hrs!!! Meanwhile, her brain is falling out of her head (at least to me)
Problem 65 - I am at home researching head trauma, CT scans, Natasha Richardson, and US statistics on "death by flying cups".
Problem 66 - Junior doctor checks out daughter and says she is fine. he wants to send her home.
Problem 67 - I tell (threaten) hubby. Don't leave until they scan her or I will come down there! (Do you blame me? The symptoms showed up with in 10 minutes of head impact.)
Problem 68 - Daughter has to go through scary CT scan.....without me! :(
Problem 69 - 99 - CT scan is 100% normal???? Daughter diagnosed with tummy bug!
Problem #100- My neurotic self once again looks like a hypochondriac, loony bird with entire family who I've been calling and putting on "emergency backup" notice for 2 hrs in case I have to go into hospital for brain surgery. (no not mine, hers!)
Blessing #1 - #100 - daughter is fine. family is fine.
Shout out #67 (don't ask about #1-#66) : to my daughter's guardian angel - you rock!!!!
Moral of the story?
We are switching to paper cups!!!!!!!!