Don't get stressed out about marketing. It's not worth it. It should just be something fun you do to get ready for the day that your book is picked up and put on the shelf. Have fun with it!
I am a Head Case!
I've thought long and hard, wondering if I should post this post. It seems a bit depressing for my taste, but I think I need to post it for me.
As some of you know, I have been having chronic vertigo for the last several months (4 to be exact). I had a slight inner ear infection last Oct/Nov. After that, my head hasn't quite been the same. To sum it up - I feel like I'm trying to walk on a rocking boat. And I feel that way often.
How does it feel? Go spin in a circle 5 times fast and try to walk. That's me. I have had weeks where I felt great and then all of a sudden a wave will hit me and I'll be down for the count for a couple days.
To be honest, as positive as I have tried to be, it's been a very scary and frustrating time. The fear comes in more around my kids than anything. For those who have kids, you will totally get this. I get panicky at the thought of not being here for them. Not that I am going anywhere, but this illness has brought up a "possibility" that I'd never really thought about before. And if I think about it too long - which i try not to do - I realize if anything were to happen to me - my kids - at their ages (5 and 20 months) - would not remember me. :(
Now I don't want you to worry because in Jan, I was officially diagnosed with a vestibular disorder and started therapy. Did you know that vertigo is the 2nd most common complaint to back pain? I blogged about it here (off my rocker post). Since the therapy, I've had longer periods of time where I feel better. I would say, I at about 80-20. Whereas before I was 20/80. So the improvement is a positive sign. I just am not totally "me" yet. especially with my kids, my patience is thin and Im not as fun.
But last week, I finally succumbed to the idea of having the MRI and it is scheduled for tomorrow. Just to double check my ears and head, to be sure everything is ok and all is where it is supposed to be. I wonder if you really can "lose your mind".
Now I know the chance of me having brain cancer or some kind of brain tumor is very slim (like under 5% at my age - don't think I did not look! twice!).
But I am still very scared about tomorrow.
- What will they find?
- What is an MRI like?
- What if something is really wrong with me?
- What if nothing is wrong with me? Then, where do I go from here?
- Will I always feel this way ?
- Will I ever remember what it is like to feel normal again?
I am trying so hard to be positive and just focus on being healthy and being positive. I am excited to finally be reassured that NOTHING is seriously wrong with me. And come up with a therapy plan to continue until this annoying vertigo thing is gone. And I know my life could be worse and that I am so lucky in everything I have.
Blah Blah Blah .....
But when I hear of other cancer stories of young ladies in their 30s, I have admit, the thought bursts into my mind.
And do you know what I realize immediately?
What is really important.
My kids. My family. My friends. My health.
All of this publishing stuff and writing stuff and marketing stuff and bailout stuff is NOT important. It is not worth stressing over. Because as long as I have my health and am with my family who is also safe and healthy, I am exactly where I want to be.
All this other stuff is extra. Like whipped cream on your ice cream. Not essential but adds a little somethin' somethin! But it is not critical to my happiness.
It is the time I am here with my kids and my hubby and my family and my friends that is most important. And it is what I do FOR OTHERS - what I give back - with the time I have here on this earth that truley defines me.
But after the last 4 months, after feeling so bad so often....the emotionaly side kicks in.
I am scared.
So, I could use some extra good thoughts tonight. Positive Ones.
And you? Go hug your kids, significant others, family, and friends.
Go outside and take a deep breath.
And, love/take care of that body of yours because it is the only one you have. We take our bodies for granted.
Our life is precious.
Oh yeah, don't forget to hug yourself.
You deserve it.
(PS Send an extra thought to blogger buddy Bridget Zinn.)
(PSS Right when Ifinished this, an advertising email popped up in my box that said, "Imagine your fear away." Crazy right? So that is what I am off to do. Thanks for the sounding board! ;)